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Best of 2022: We Must Kill ‘Dinosaur’ JavaScript | Microsoft Open Sources 3D Emoji

As we close out 2022, we at DevOps.com wanted to highlight the most popular articles of the year. Following is the latest in our series of the Best of 2022.

Welcome to The Long View—where we peruse the news of the week and strip it to the essentials. Let’s work out what really matters.

This week: JavaScript is a bloated barrier to progress, and Microsoft’s emoji are on GitHub.

1. DC Hates JS; Loves E

First up this week: We need to replace JavaScript with something “designed specifically for secure distributed programming.” So says the man behind JSON, Douglas Crockford. He suggests his latest flame, the E language.

Analysis: Big bang change seldom succeeds

Crockford is unlikely to bring devs with him. Nor will browser makers play along. Evolution usually works better than revolution. TypeScript and Wasm are where the action is.

Tim Anderson channels the perp: ‘The best thing we can do today to JavaScript is to retire it’

Flaws cannot be corrected
The world’s most popular programming language … has become a barrier to progress, according to Douglas Crockford, creator of the JSON … specification used everywhere for serializing data. … “Twenty years ago, I was one of the few advocates for JavaScript. … But since then, there has been strong interest in further bloating the language instead of making it better.”

Brendan Eich invented the language for Netscape in 1995: … “In May I did 10 days of hard work, I didn’t sleep much,” Eich [said] in 2018. [He] called the work “a rush job” [and said] “I knew there would be mistakes, there would be gaps.”

Along with increased capability … JavaScript is evolving with many new features … though the demands of compatibility mean that some flaws cannot be corrected, and at the other end feature bloat is a constant risk. … And a typical application today includes a build process using WebPack, Rollup or some other bundler, a long way from Eich’s original concept.


Crockford talks to Iurii Gurzhii:

JavaScript, like the other dinosaur languages, has become a barrier to progress. We should be focused on the next language, which should look more like E than like JavaScript.

The next language … needs to be a minimal capability-based actor language that is designed specifically for secure distributed programming. Nothing less should be considered.


Wait, didn’t we already fix this problem—with TypeScript? That’s a short-sighted view, says swatcoder:

TypeScript is great: A tremendous improvement over JavaScript and a boon to web development. … But Crockford is looking farther out here. Languages like E are designed for safe concurrency first, which is going to be a huge deal as we continue to see an explosion of processing cores on the client end and highly distributed backend deployments.

Languages that treat [concurrency] as a central part of their design can require less discipline and can provide smarter automated optimizations. I don’t know that E is going to establish itself in that space, but it’s the space we’re headed towards and TypeScript isn’t quite the most natural thing to use there.


It would be better than sticking with “idiotic” JavaScript, says u/minus-one:

But he’s kind of right. … Classes and generators and proxies and … ”#” private fields (all in a functional language, which, you know, has first class functions that can do all of the above and pretty much everything else).

Anyway, no one sane uses JS anyway. At the very least people use TypeScript.


Well, what about WebAssembly? Get off Kisai’s lawn:

What has been largely proposed is compiling things to Wasm, which is a massive mistake. If I had the reins of the internet, Wasm would be on the top of the list of things to get nuked. Why would anyone be so stupid to try and inefficiently cross-compile something into a pseudo-assembly language that is hamstrung by JavaScript itself. That is so utterly stupid.

Now Flash has been replaced by “the canvas tag,” [so] you now need a 300MB browser just to play a game written in JavaScript that uses nothing but the Canvas tag. That is stupid. … The Canvas tag itself is stupid. We had SVG, and then decided to re-invent it again.

The problem isn’t JavaScript, the problem is “the web browser.” … Blame the University of Minnesota for destroying Gopher.


But u/BarelyAirborne shoots the messenger:

I tried reading one of his books. Once. What an insufferable ****.


2. Remix Microsoft’s Emoji

Microsoft has slapped an MIT License on its 1,500-strong “Fluent” 3D emoji set. First seen in Teams, then adopted by Windows 11, Redmond now wants you to build on them.

Analysis: Because … hybrid work???

Microsoft says it’s doing this because of how work is changing. I guess this justification makes as much sense as anything else.

Tom Warren: Microsoft open sources its 3D emoji

Remote and hybrid work
Microsoft is open sourcing more than 1,500 of its 3D emoji, making them free for creators to remix and build upon. Almost all of Microsoft’s 1,538 emoji library will be available on Figma and GitHub … in a move that Microsoft hopes will encourage more creativity and inclusivity in the emoji space.

Creators will be able to take most of Microsoft’s bright and colorful 3D emoji and remix them into stickers, use them in content, or create unique sets of emoji. … Microsoft’s design teams are now looking forward to seeing how the community of creators builds on its library of emoji.

Part of the reason Microsoft says it’s open sourcing its emoji … is the changing state of work. Remote and hybrid work has forced businesses and employees to work differently, and how you express yourself through text has become even more important.


The lineage is from the Teams product. Take off every Zig Justice:

They hit us in Teams a little while ago. … They’re universally loathed over here.

Have you seen their miserable excuse for an octopus? I have no idea what it is, but I sure as hell know what it’s not: An octopus. … Cephalopods rule! Someone at Microsoft deserves to be punished for that travesty.


Kindly vacate the grassed yard area belonging to this Anonymous Coward:

Emoji are rapidly the primary … means of expressing themselves for an increasing number of perpetually smartphone-bound people. The people who are best kept busy lest they open their mouths and say uncouth stuff other people—those with highly-tuned, avant-garde sensibilities—may or may not like, possibly-maybe.


The Moral of the Story:
The Devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape


You have been reading The Long View by Richi Jennings. You can contact him at @RiCHi or tlv@richi.uk.

Image: Thomas de Luze (via Unsplash; leveled and cropped)

Richi Jennings

Richi Jennings is a foolish independent industry analyst, editor, and content strategist. A former developer and marketer, he’s also written or edited for Computerworld, Microsoft, Cisco, Micro Focus, HashiCorp, Ferris Research, Osterman Research, Orthogonal Thinking, Native Trust, Elgan Media, Petri, Cyren, Agari, Webroot, HP, HPE, NetApp on Forbes and CIO.com. Bizarrely, his ridiculous work has even won awards from the American Society of Business Publication Editors, ABM/Jesse H. Neal, and B2B Magazine.

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